Here's 13 more products that will have you asking, "Why?"
Number 13 - Rockabye Baby! Lullaby Renditions of Nirvana
Playing your baby normal Nirvana will not hurt them. Although, Kurt Cobain is pretty terrible... Nirvana isn't they only band that they've "rendered", though. There are 179 Rockabye Baby! albums, with everything from Queen to Jay-Z. So, for like 20 bucks, your baby can listen to fake Michael Jackson.
Number 12 - HippMama
This is an awesome idea. But, you look like a giant tool wearing it. I think the only way I would get this is if it came in Batman utility belt style.
Number 11 - Intelligender
Look people, if you want to flush $30 away, you can send it to me. Seriously, I'll tell you where to send it.
Number 10 - Poop Alarm
This is a little thingy that sticks in the side of the baby's diaper and makes noise when the baby poops or pees. Let this sink in for a moment. For hundreds of years (or however long diapers have been around), parents have known when their babies need to be changed. They didn't have to pay $40 for an alarm that lets them know when the baby shits. Plus, it's sticking in the diaper, wouldn't it get poo on it?
Number 9 - Potty Time Reminder Watch
Maybe I should just quit writing about potty-training tools since I'm not at that stage with Dahlia yet, but this just seems silly. It's not over-priced or anything. I just feel like if your kid is old enough to use a watch, they should be old enough to remember not to piss themselves. But, like I said, I don't know.
Number 8 - TV Timer BOB
This is another one for those lazy parents out there. A quote from the website, "No more 'Turn off that TV!' arguments." Really? Is this really an argument? There are kids out there arguing with their parents about shutting off the TV? Maybe it's just my mom, but if I had argued with her about it, I would've been spanked and she would have turned the TV off. If I turned it back on, I wouldn't have been surprised if she cut the power cord. If you have control of your kids, you won't have to buy something silly like this.
Number 7 - FingerGuard
What the hell. $75 for a piece of plastic to cover your kids fingers so they don't suck on them anymore. You can get a bottle of hot sauce for like, 2 bucks and you can almost guarantee the kid won't do it too many more times.
Number 6 - Morning Chicness Bags
Now you can vomit into a cute little bag! Are there actually women out there buying this? I can speak from experience, a Big Gulp cup works just as well and is only 79 cents.
Number 5 - Baby Coffee Machine
This is like a little Keurig Single Cup for baby formula. It brews your baby formula. I guess mixing the powder and water is just too pedestrian now. This is big in Switzerland and France, but I'm sure it's just a matter of time before lazy American moms get their hands on it. For roughly $265 USD, I'll stick with my Enfamil powder, thank you.
Number 4 - The Poche Suit
This is a pair of footie pajamas that has a bunch of little pockets for your hands on it. Notice the father's hands in the picture? I could see how this thing could come in handy, but it seems dangerous and unnecessary. Just carry your kid like a normal person. It's got buttons like a regular pair of footie pajamas. I feel like if the baby slips and the fabric doesn't rip, the buttons will pop open and your kid will crack their head on the ground.
Number 3 - Bacon Baby Infant Formula
An April Fool's joke by J&D's, this product was featured to purchase on quite a few websites and people fell for it. It's not real, but if it were, knowing the stupidity of people, there would be a baby somewhere being fed this stuff. 'Merica.
Number 2 - The Breast Milk Baby - Breastfeeding Doll
Seriously, what the hell, man. This is a baby that suckles when you put it up to this special shirt that has flower nipples on it. Flower nipples. Your daughter (or your son, I guess) would put this to her flower nipple shirt and this fake baby will suckle on it. Ew. I'm not against breastfeeding, but there's just something wrong about this. I can't put it into words, but it's wrong.
Number 1 - MommyMilk Creations
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| The white hearts are the breast milk. |
These are gross. They're pretty, but gross. Pretty gross. Basically, you ship this random person your breast milk and they do some stuff to it and send it back to you in some jewelry. It just creeps me out.
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