Mom Jeans: 12 Creepiest Toys for Kids or Babies

Sometimes I wonder if toy makers think at all before putting a toy on the market. Some kids will notice the unnerving things about these toys straight off, here's the 12 creepiest toys for kids or babies.

Number 12 - Barbie and Tanner The Dog

On the surface, there's nothing wrong with this. But then you look closer and notice that this playset includes food for Tanner the dog, there's little brown pellets in his bowl. But, then you notice some other brown pellets on the right side of the picture. Tanner is a pooping toy dog. Because Tanner is a pooping toy dog, he can't digest things. Meaning what goes in is the same as what comes out. You literally feed this dog it's shit and it poops it back out. Next thing you know, your kid is running around trying to shove turds in the dog's face. Not good for anyone involved.

Number 11 - Erwin the Little Patient

This thing is actually kind of cute. But, what's up with the huge skin flap? And it's nose is bothersome. Really, it's entire face.

Number 10 - Growing Up Skipper

This was on the market in 1974. You twist her arm one way, she gets taller and boobs spring out. You twist her arm the other way, the boobs disappear and she gets short again. The creepiest part is the lettering on the box: "Cute, little girl!" "Tall, curvy teenager!" I don't even know.

Number 9 - Pre-Chewed Pencils

For real. I have questions. Who chews the pencils? Why don't they have any erasers? Who would pay $1.98 USD (plus shipping) for 4 pencils? (Obviously, this isn't specifically for kids, but cut me some slack.)

Number 8 - Pregnant Barbie

I don't think this is "inappropriate." I think there is no right way to make a pregnant doll, so you just shouldn't do it. It looks weird. But, offensive? No. Just really weird.

Number 7 - Hugo Man of a Thousand Faces

The creepiness of this thing speaks for itself. The dead eyes, hollow cheeks, and hairlessness are too much. It doesn't look any better dressed up, either.

Number 6 - Baby Laugh A Lot

This doll isn't so much visually scary as it is audibly. Just watch.

Number 5 - E.T. Finger Light

Let's just go ahead and get this out of the way; this looks like a dick. I realize it's old and blah, blah, blah. But, I could not let my kid play with this. I would lose it every time I saw them, then I'd have to explain why I was laughing. It's just too much to get into over a "finger light." How did moms in the 80s deal with their kids wanting this?

Number 4 - Singamajigs

With it's super dilated eyes and suggestively puckered mouth, this could either be someone who just took ecstasy, or someone that died eating a lemon. Either way, it's unsettling. What is the big one doing to the little one? Holding it hostage? They're both screaming, but the little one looks particularly desperate.

Number 3 - Be A Doll

It's as if there's a tiny version of you running around that is, of course, evil. I don't like it. If you had an identical vestigial twin that you just removed, but now it can walk about and commit mischief and it hates you for the way you've treated it over the years, so now it's coming to get you in your sleep - that's this.

Number 2 - Zaky Infant Pillow

Oh man, these are super creepy disembodied hands that are for cradling your infant. Although, it would be kinda cool if they re-marketed it as Thing from the Addams Family.

Number 1 - Face Bank

This is what Nietzsche meant when he said, "And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you." This bank eats your money and your soul. It has a built in heat sensor, so when you put your hand (or anything warm) in front of it, the mouth starts moving. As if it isn't creepy enough without moving parts. See it in action: