5 Things I Miss The Most About Life Before a Baby

When you have a baby, your whole life changes. Here's 5 things I miss the most about life before a baby.

Number 5 - Being able to go anywhere I want, whenever I want
Babies are super inconvenient. If I want to go anywhere without Dahlia, I have to find someone to watch her. Or, I have to change my plans. For instance, last month, we were going to take her to the movies. She was four months old, but very quiet. I knew she would just enjoy the movie and not make noise. We were going to see A Million Ways to Die in the West at around 10PM. We got up to the box office and they wouldn't let us purchase tickets to that movie because it was rated R and apparently you can't take children under 10 into rated Rs after like 6PM or something. So, we saw X-men and it was awful.

Number 4 - My Body
Granted, I never looked like the woman in the picture to the left, but I wasn't fat (even though I thought I was, why do women do that?). I went to the beach yesterday and wore a t-shirt most of the time because I didn't like my stomach. Not only do I have all this "baby fat," but I've got awful stretch marks. I mean, my stomach looks like Freddy Kruger's. Why hasn't science made a better remedy for stretch marks?

Number 3 - Sleep
Oh man, sleep. I miss sleep. I could sleep for 14 hours straight. Now, I can get maybe 6. Although, Dahlia did sleep through the night for the first time last night, fingers crossed that it wasn't just because she was tired from the beach!

Number 2 - Doing Whatever I Want
This one kind of ties in with number 5, but I'm more talking about taking a shower whenever I feel like it, not having to plan it around when she's sleeping. Or getting REALLY drunk just because. Now, I can only get a little tipsy. Or, even something as simple as lighting a stick of incense in the house. Before I do anything, I've got to think about how it will affect the baby.

Number 1 - Not Being Bothered in Public
I'm the type of person that does not like to be approached by strangers. I don't like being talked to and especially don't like being touched. A five-foot radius around me in a public space is perfect. But, with a baby, people are constantly coming up to you. It's like, just because you procreated, you're automatically assumed to be social. No. I liked one person enough to have sex with them, that doesn't make me a social butterfly and it definitely doesn't mean I want to talk to you about my baby. And people will ask you questions, "How old is she?" "How much does she weigh?" blah blah blah. It makes you want to scream,"Do you want to know how and when she was conceived, too!?!" Seriously. Why do strangers care about other strangers' babies?


So, that's the five things I miss the most. Can you think of anything I forgot? Please, comment below and don't hesitate to share this!

First Post Ever: 10 Things I Learned as a New Mom

To start my blog off, I thought I would make a top ten list. My daughter, Dahlia, is 5 months old and I'm a first time mom. I've learned many things about myself and life in general since I donned my first pair of mom jeans; some sappy, some funny, and of course, some scary. Here's just a few:

Number 10 - Immunity to nasty things

Having a child raises your gross tolerance exponentially. I can change a diaper, get poop on my finger, wipe it off, and move on. Before, I would have immediately went to wash my hands. I've become so desensitized, I actually caught cat vomit in my hand once (he was going to puke on the bed). Having baby puke in your hair will change your outlook on life.







Number 9 -  Girls have adorable clothes 

Truth time. I wanted a boy. So, it was hard for me to get into girl mode when it came to clothes. The first couple of outfits I bought for Dahlia could've been considered unisex. When I went to the store, I would automatically gravitate towards the boy section and have to remind myself that the baby was a girl. I thought I would never like anything that she could wear, but surprisingly, that changed, too. While my tastes have a more retro vibe, I've came to terms with Dahlia's gender and the clothes that go with it.




Number 8 - No sleep? No big deal.
 I LOVE sleep. In Life Before Dahlia (henceforth known as LBD), I could sleep for 14 hours and still want to sleep longer. The first night after she was born, in the hospital, I realized just how little sleep humans need. After the 20 hours of labor, silly me didn't want the nurses to keep Dahlia in the nursery. I had to have my new baby with me. I think I got two hours of sleep that night. One of the most valuable lessons I've learned thus far? Sleep when the baby sleeps. I heard people tell me that in LBD and I just shrugged it off. But, it is the best piece of advice I have received.

Number 7 - Paranoia is a real thing

I think this is one of the worst things about being a new mom. You'll be lying there in bed, the baby in the crib, but you can't sleep because you are absolutely certain that the baby quit breathing. So, you get up, check, and of course, baby is still breathing. Whenever someone picks her up, I think they're going to drop her. Everyone is sick and contagious. There are kidnappers everywhere. Moms are paranoid about everything. I think this is one of those things that eases off with time, but never completely goes away.



Number 6 - The ability to tune anything out

You've seen this before. You're in a restaurant trying to enjoy your meal, when some set of asshole parents are just letting their little spawn scream. You think, " Don't they hear that?" The answer? No. They don't. As a stay at home mom, if I didn't learn to tune out screaming every once in a while, I would never shower or eat. Sometimes, babies cry for pretty much no reason. If there's nothing that can be done (i.e, feeding, diaper changing), you learn to tune them out to keep your sanity.

Number 5 - How much fun you have

If you would have told me a year ago that I could have fun with a baby, I might have laughed at you. But, sure enough, babies are fun as hell! Watching them discover all the new things around them is pretty entertaining. Making them taste things like lemons is also equally hilarious. I could spend hours making funny faces at her and watching her laugh. That's another thing, babies have THE cutest laughs.

Number 4 - Becoming Betty Crocker

In LBD, I wasn't exactly considered domesticated. Sure, I could cook and clean, but I wasn't in the running for Housewife of the Year. I had a job and worked 5 days a week. When I got home, I didn't feel like cooking dinner. But, becoming a stay at home mom changed all of that. Now, I want to look for new recipes and color swatches for new drapes. I could see myself being on the PTA and making Halloween costumes, ones that are more complicated than cutting two holes in a sheet. Becoming a mother makes you look forward to all of those little things like tying shoe laces and throwing birthday parties that don't feature liquor as the main course.


Number 3 - Paying attention to current events

I was never one for the news. I've always felt that I shouldn't become upset about something that I have no control over and the news is almost always upsetting. But now, I find myself reading articles about kidnappers and the recent string of hot-car deaths. Having a child made me more aware of the terrible things that happen to children in the world. Of course, watching the news also lends to the paranoia!




Number 2 - Patience

I almost made this number one because if there is anything I have learned, it's patience. In LBD, I wouldn't have tolerated someone screaming at me, puking on me, and then making me clean up their poop. But, patience is a virtue that I have finally gotten a little of.







Number 1 - Love

I never knew that I could love someone as much as I love Dahlia. Of course, I love my family and Dahlia's father, but that's a different kind of love, somehow. To love someone as fiercely and almost insanely as I love Dahlia is an entirely new experience. To be willing to give your life for another, that's some intense love.





Well, this concludes my very first post! I hope everyone enjoyed reading it enough to share it (hint, hint)! If anyone has anything to add to the list, feel free to comment below, and please stick around for more posts!